Prerequisites
by scullyseviltwin
Summary: Trinity is conflicted and can't seem to shake the feelings that plague her.


Title: Pre-requisites   
  
Author: ScullyAsTrinity AKA Barenaked Bostonian   
  
Rating: PG-13   
  
Characters: Neo, Trinity  
  
Category: Angst, romance, drama  
  
Disclaimer: Oh my god, if I owned Keanu... :::shudder:::   
  
Thanks: To my evil twin Lesley for all the beta-buddying.   
  
Feedback: BNLXPhile12@aol.com   
  
Summary: Can words really express...?  
  
She was worried, a deep seeded fear that ate at the pit of her stomach. The slop that she swallowed did nothing to abate the hunger that nagged her night and day. Telling night from day was another matter all together, the two blended together on a canvas of timelessness. She felt alone, though she was surrounded by several people who had relied upon her as well as each other countless times. Again, she felt hollow and quickly shoved the container of food away.  
  
Link glanced over at her briefly and went back to consuming his own gruel. The only sounds in the small room were the repeated clinking of the pipes that provided them with heat, and the faint noises made from the repetitive opening and closing of jaws. The sounds amplified themselves within her ears and she pursed her lips. She kept her liquid eyes trained on the drab gray of the abandoned container and the gray of the table that held everyone's breakfast.  
  
Morpheus could tell that something was not right. He could always tell when one of his 'children' was in distress. Yet, he knew that if he interjected on her thoughts at the moment that she would simply retreat into herself.  
  
Neo was seated next to Link on the opposite side of the table, seemingly lost in the blank whiteness of his own slop. From time to time he would lift his eyes to gaze across the table at Trinity. She did not seem to notice his gaze, or how his eyes settled on his face and took on a look of tortured realness. He sensed that something was deeply wrong with her but knew, like Morpheus did, that if he intruded upon her thoughts that she would retreat into herself.  
  
Finally, after some time, her eyes lifted and she met Neo's briefly. Her look betrayed nothing of the inner turmoil he was feeling. He was distressed as well, not being able to discern what was wrong with her.  
  
Having had enough of the confined space, Trinity pushed back the chair and swiftly rose from her seat at the table. She was out the door a moment later.  
  
She got this way once in awhile. She would remember a line from 'Hamlet' and then realize that Shakespeare did not exist, that he was simply a program. She would remember her third grade spelling bee and how the code must have been written so that she, and not Holly Murdoch had won. She wondered about photocopiers and oak trees and Campbell's Soup. Then she wondered what her 'parents' had felt like when she had 'gone'. After speculation on the matter, she always came to the same conclusion: That all of that amounted to nothing in the end. It didn't exist, and the only thing that mattered was the survival of Zion. And Neo.  
  
The only thing that really frightened her, the one thing that plagued her at all hours of the day, was that he might not make it and that she would not be able to fully express her feelings for him before his time was up.  
  
Retreating to her quarters, she perched herself on the edge of the hard mattress and brought her hands to her lips. Half of her wished that Neo would somehow know what she was thinking and the other half almost wished that she had never met him. Almost. To love someone so much that the word 'love' was not an adequate description. To speculate on what life would be like without him. To have nightmares about him falling, falling down so far into the darkness that the word dark, like love, was not an adequate description. This nagged at her above all else, that they were not meant to be, that the prophecy was not to be fulfilled. That the machines would inevitably divide and conquer.  
  
Being the strong and silent type she would push all of these issues to the back of her mind so that they would not interfere with the duties that she was expected to perform. As the second-in-command of the Nebuchadnezzer certain things were expected of her. Whether she was in love with the one was inconsequential to the duties that were expected of her as a citizen of Zion. While telling herself this she knew that no matter how much she wanted it to be true, Neo was more important to her, more real to her, than the fate of the last human city. It ate away at her.  
  
Blowing a sigh through her pursed lips, Trinity lay back on the hard mattress and closed her eyes. She willed it all away.  
  
At the back of the ship, in a dimly lit room, Neo and Morpheus sat in meditation. Neo had been silent for quite some time, as had Morpheus. Opening his mouth to speak, Neo brought his hands out to rest on his bent knees. "Morpheus I-"  
  
"I know." The captain replied and met Neo's eyes with his own. "I would advise giving her time but I know that you will not." There was a faint flicker of something resembling humor in the commander's eyes but it disappeared as soon as it had appeared. Not knowing what to say, Neo quickly got up and left the room.  
  
The corridors were colder and darker than usual, it seemed. Neo felt the chill creep inside and drift down into his bones. He hated feeling like this, the way he felt when he was without her. The feeling had somehow multiplied; he felt that she had drifted farther away then ever. In the few weeks he had known her, he had come to realize that just as he was integral to the survival of Zion, she was essential to his own survival. It seemed that he lived for her. Breathed for her. Loved for her and only her. It was times like these that he was the loneliest, when she was right in front of him and yet so distant that no one could reach her.  
  
Short footsteps finally brought him to her quarters and he knocked softly, reverently. A moment of silence later and he slowly opened the door, allowing her to know that he was entering anyway. Her silence would not keep him out.  
  
"Trinity?" His voice was soft and tinged somehow with regret.  
  
"Yes?" Her voice was as calculated as ever, the tones hiding exactly what it was that was on her mind. "Do you need something?"  
  
Instinctively, she knew the answer to that question herself. She knew what he needed. He needed her. They had only been intimate once, but that one time was enough for the both of them to see the truth of the matter. The bond between them was more than 'love' or 'lust' could describe. It went deeper than matters of the heart or matters of the soul.  
  
"You know what I need." He stopped for a moment; he knew that she knew. He redirected his intent. "I need you to talk to me Trin."  
  
"There's nothing to discuss. It's not important." Slowly, slowly, she sat up. Her eyes were as they had been before. Neo moved close to her and stared down into her eyes. She knew that he knew. He knew that she knew, and they were silent.  
  
"I-Neo I-" Her voice was choked but not to the point to make speech indecipherable. Her eyes briefly settled on her hands in her lap. She quickly brought them back up to connect with his. They spoke without words, silent communication that helped them both to believe that this was the truth. It was all that they needed.  
  
"I know." It was all he said as he brought his hands up to her face. Brought his lips to hers. "I know."  
  
La Fin  
  
*~* Look at the stars. Don't it remind you just how feeble we are? Well, it used to... I guess. *~* 


End file.
